Part 2

Here are the marriage vows for a bride: “Will you in the presence of God and these witnesses, take _____ to be your wedded husband, will you love and cherish him, in health and in sickness, in prosperity and adversity, share with him the joys and sorrows of life, exercise patience, kindness, and forbearance toward him, and live with him in peace as becometh a faithful Christian wife and forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto him as long as you both shall live.”

Share with him the joys and sorrows of life

This phrase in the wedding vows is different from the husband’s vows. One of the basic reasons God created a wife is for companionship. In Genesis 2:15-24, we read that when Adam named the animals, he could not find someone like himself. God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” In this commitment, the wife promises to be a companion in joy or sorrow. Sorrow when shared seems to lessen, but joys when shared seem to multiply. How doleful life would be without a companion to share it. What a blessing to come home after a day’s work and have a wife greet us at the door with a cheery, “Welcome home! How did your day go?” To have someone to share the happenings of the day, whether trials or joys, is an essential part of a Christian home. I recall keeping the children at the office while my wife was gone. When we arrived home before she did, the children ran through the house calling for her. It was not the norm for Mother to be absent from home, and so it should not be.

Women generally share the things on their heart more easily than men do. To share the intimate things on one’s heart is difficult. A man needs the tender caring of a woman to draw him out. The wife who has learned the art of sharing with her husband and helping him to share with her, has indeed fulfilled the Biblical command of being a helpmeet. The many frustrations and trials of life become much more bearable with a companion such as this. “Her price is far above rubies” (Proverbs 31:10)

Live with him in peace

How can we live together in peace? To have peace, we stay calm and quiet at all times. One time we should raise our voice is if the house is on fire, but not in normal living. When we live together in peace, we work out our problems. Surely, we will have misunderstandings and frustrations. We should attack the problem and not the partner. “Follow peace with all men” (Hebrews 12:14) includes our companion.

If we would seek to live together in peace, as much as some couples try not to, we could work things out a lot better. Am I saying some of us try to be unhandy and contrary? No, but it seems that’s the way it so often is. Ask yourself the question, “Am I really seeking to come to a better understanding? Am I seeking to prove myself right, and my spouse wrong? How could we resolve this peaceably?”

I recall a man saying he didn’t believe in war; he just got married instead. One aspect of peace is the absence of war or strife. Comparing war with marriage is not at all funny, but maybe all too true. Seeking to live together in peace is infinitely more desirable and is the will of God. “Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God” (Matthew 5:9). This beatitude is sadly lacking in many homes. God will help us if we humbly ask Him. He wants us to live together in peace, and many of us have made that commitment to each other.

Forsaking all others

I remember my wife asking our pastor if she could be jealous of me. He assured her that she could in the same sense that God is a jealous God. He wants our attention alone. We cannot serve both God and Satan. Paul writes that we are a peculiar [special] people to God (Titus 2:14). Peculiar does not mean “different” as in “odd,” but “exclusively His.” We have the characteristic of belonging only to one. Thus it should be in our marriage relations. We belong only to one.

Nothing causes hurt feelings more quickly than paying attention to someone other than our companion. To flirt with another is not only hurting your companion, but also trifling with another’s feelings, and it is sin. Why would we want to do anything to hurt our spouse? We are no longer looking for someone to please us; we have found that one. Now we should be looking for ways to please the one we have found.

During our courtship days, most of us could not seem to do enough to please our special friend. We could find all kinds of excuses to be together. We would not have thought of dating someone else. We shunned anything that would mar our friendship. After several years of marriage, many forget the art of courtship. While William Jennings Bryan was getting his hair cut, the barber asked him if he couldn’t cut the hair that covered his ears. Mr. Bryan said, “While I was courting Mrs. Bryan, she objected to my ears standing out. So I let my hair grow over them.”

“That was years back,” replied the barber. “Surely you could cut them shorter now.”

“Why?” asked Bryan. “The love affair is still going on.”

We need to ask God for pure minds and eyes so that we can resist the temptation to unfaithfulness. Remember, we have promised or vowed to forsake all others. Keep yourselves only unto him (her) as long as you both shall live. “And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:7). Remember what Joseph said when he was tempted by Potiphar’s wife: “How then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?” (Genesis 39:9). One of the most heartbreaking statistics of our day are the many who break the marriage vows by committing adultery. “A wound and dishonour shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away” (Proverbs 6:33) May we be as Joseph and flee when tempted. God will help us if we seek to forsake all others.

-by Allan Miller