In this concluding article on the marriage vows, we want to emphasize the commitment part of these lifelong vows, A vow is a solemn promise, a commitment that binds us as partners to be faithful to our marriage in every detail. “When thou vowest a vow unto God, defer not to pay it; for he hath no pleasure in fools: pay that which thou hast vowed. Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay. Suffer not thy mouth to cause thy flesh to sin; neither say thou before the angel, that it was an error: wherefore shouldest God be angry at thy voice, and destroy the work of thine hands?” (Ecclesiastes 5:4-6).

When we make a commitment, we turn ourselves over to another for safekeeping. When a married couple turn themselves over to each other for safekeeping, then even if one is not faithful, the other will still hold the commitment. God has no pleasure infools. It would be better not to vow than not to keep a vow. We may say that our vow was a mistake, but this will not impress God nor change the vows. We need to emphasize the lifelong commitment of marriage to our youth and impress them with its seriousness. We must start now if we are going to recapture quality marriages and home life. Those who have failed need to confess their error and repent, seeking to return to the true commitment of one man-one woman.

I. Keep Yourself Only Unto Him (Her)

This phrase in the marriage vows emphasizes the responsibility of each married person. What a challenge! Wherever we go, we must keep this in mind. According to 1 Corinthians 7:4, we give our bodies to our companions. We are not free to give ourselves in this way to anyone else. But an even higher commitment would be that of Joseph who said to a woman who tried to entice him: “How then can I do this great wickedness and sin against God?” (Genesis 39:9). Just because immorality and unfaithfulness is rampant does not change a holy God who has clearly said that adultery is sin. The problem begins when we let down our guard and become too friendly with someone else. “Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned?” (Proverbs 6:27, 28). The answer is obvious: we cannot. The same passage tells us that “whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding” (v. 32). The danger of sinning against God is something we should constantly keep in our minds. We must also maintain a daily awareness of God’s presence to keep ourselves wholly loyal to our companions.

II. As Long as You Both Shall Live

“For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband” (Romans 7:2). The Bible teaches that putting away our companion and marrying another is committing adultery. Jesus pointed people back to the beginning when God made them male and female. “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:6). The marriage vow says, “as long as you both shall live.” When people get married, they have in mind to be married for life. They could not imagine that anything could mar the relationship. If we would always keep that directive in focus, it would be a deterrent to other thoughts that might push into our mind. In our early marriage when misunderstandings arose, I would tell my wife, “We are married for life, and we want to enjoy it. We may as well talk it out and work through this.” It never entered my mind to quit, leave, or divorce, because God had joined us together until death—”as long as you both shall live.” We need to get back to these truths if we are to regain our footing in relation to the family and marriage.

“Cast me not off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth” (Psalm 71:9). David is asking God not to forsake him when he becomes old or when his strength fails. So it should be with those of us who are married. Old age should be a time of loyalty and helping each other even more. It is difficult to imagine why someone would put away his companion, when the companion is old or ill, for someone younger. “As long as you both shall live” still stands today.

III. When We Fail or Face Unfaithfulness

“My wounds stink and are corrupt because of my foolishness. I am troubled; I am bowed down greatly; I go mourning all the day long” (Psalm 38:5, 6). This is a response of repentance. David did not find answers in himself. Unfaithfulness in marriage is like a serious wound. “A wound and dishonour shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away” (Proverbs 6:33). What a terrible price to pay for short, sensual pleasures. Our own lives will be hurt as well as that of our companion. The children will face almost irreparable hurt. When a father or mother is unfaithful, it causes grief in the home, with lifelong consequences.

The challenge to us is to be faithful to God and to our marriage partners. However, when there has been unfaithfulness, we need to repent, confess, and get help and counseling from godly Christian sources. There is hope for healing. But being faithful to begin with is by far the best route. May God help those who cry out in repentance when unfaithful. May He help the rest of us to remain faithful to our marriage vows.

-by Allan Miller