Human nature craves adventure and thrills. Who doesn’t enjoy reading a story of courage and skill in scaling a mountain, conquering a dread disease, or achieving an incredible goal?
The desire for knowledge and adventure spills over into many areas of human experience, not the least of which is sex.
Today’s youth call dating a game. For thousands it is a game of seeing how far one can go with a member of the opposite sex. Many young people start out with good intentions but get caught up in a web of increasing familiarity that leads to petting and many times to going “all the way.”
How do we draw the lines? Where do you stop, or, for that matter, where do you begin?
There are at least three laws basic to courtship that will point us in the right direction when God is in control.
LAW OF PROGRESSION.
One thing leads to another in courtship. Whenever a boy and a girl “get together” it takes concentrated effort to keep the courtship on other than a physical basis. One intimacy indulged can easily lead to another and each intimacy has a tolerance point. Holding hands for the sake of holding hands has a tolerance point. A couple will reach the point where hand holding does not satisfy. Kissing and embracing may follow and each has its own tolerance point and asks for something more.
The problem comes when a couple base their courtship, even partially, on the physical. In the steps to a godly marriage the physical is the last relationship to be formed. Social, emotional, and spiritual relationships are formed in courtship and engagement.
Keeping the law of progression in mind, holding hands for the thrills or to be doing something is exceedingly dangerous.
LAW OF DIMINISHING RETURNS.
Closely related to progression is the fact that, with repetition, the effects of physical intimacy tend to decrease. It takes more and more stimulation to provide the same “thrill.” A couple cannot go far before they become so physically involved that their emotions demand increasing intimacy.
Once engaged in petting (passionate kissing, caressing and fondling), a couple finds it virtually impossible to say, “We won’t go any farther next time.” Even with holding hands and “light” kissing the couple cannot stop these activities without emotional and perhaps physical struggles.
THE LAW OF DESIGN.
With progression and diminishing returns in mind, a young couple need to approach their courtship with design. Dating needs to be planned.
As with all other aspects of life, a young person needs to surrender to the lordship of Jesus Christ to find genuine satisfaction in courtship. The Christian will seek God’s will in what standards God would want him to set. What activities would honor God and reflect obedience to Him? The Lord will lead you to what would be the best for your future whether or not you are led to marriage.
As dating is designed, the couple will set standards and abide by them. Such standards should be high enough to include the convictions of both daters and to glorify God. Young couples who disobey God’s Word in dating are setting the stage for regret.
Designed dating has the good of each other in mind. Some imagine they have done nothing harmful unless they cross that final barrier of sexual union. “Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart” (Matthew 5:28). Both petting and going “all the way” are named as sin in Ephesians 5:3: “But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints.”
The sin of adultery or fornication is committed before the final act. Personalities and emotions are torn and scarred before going “all the way.” The purity of your dating partner can be violated through petting. Memories of illegitimate sexual stimulation will haunt a person the rest of his life. They will create problems in a future marriage. Petting is sin and leads to hurt and regret and even broken marriages later.
How far is too far? Any physical intimacy which, when indulged, calls for something more is too far. You will find true satisfaction and peace with God in waiting for physical intimacy until marriage.
“Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord. Your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost. . . and ye are not your own . . . therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s” (1 Corinthians 6:13, 19, 20) – RLB