Society has placed more emphasis on secular education than on home training. Therefore, parents have left most of the training of their children to secular educators. The results are the opposite of what many educators have said it would be. They hoped that if people were educated this would solve society’s problems and that education would be the key to tomorrow. But education has not solved the problems of violence and immorality.

In times like these, we must have a deep spiritual relationship with Jesus Christ. In times like these, Jesus would have us go apart to pray. In times like these, we need to study God’s Word, not in a hurried way, but taking time for meditation and prayer. We need to take time out to let God speak to us. If we do so, we may become misfits in our society, but we will be ready to fit in with Jesus Christ when He returns.

In times like these, is all well between you and God? If not, the Bible says, “Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord” (Acts 3:19).

To fit in with Jesus, consider what the Bible says. We need to …

Recognize our need. “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23).

Recognize our only Source of help. “Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved” (Acts 4:12).

Let Christ control our lives. “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation” (Romans 10:9-10).

Let Christ solve our problems. “But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19).

—by Allan Miller

When we make a commitment, we turn ourselves over to another for safekeeping. When a married couple turn themselves over to each other for safekeeping, then even if one is not faithful, the other will still hold the commitment. God has no pleasure infools. It would be better not to vow than not to keep a vow. We may say that our vow was a mistake, but this will not impress God nor change the vows. We need to emphasize the lifelong commitment of marriage to our youth and impress them with its seriousness. We must start now if we are going to recapture quality marriages and home life. Those who have failed need to confess their error and repent, seeking to return to the true commitment of one man-one woman.

I. Keep Yourself Only Unto Him (Her)

This phrase in the marriage vows emphasizes the responsibility of each married person. What a challenge! Wherever we go, we must keep this in mind. According to 1 Corinthians 7:4, we give our bodies to our companions. We are not free to give ourselves in this way to anyone else. But an even higher commitment would be that of Joseph who said to a woman who tried to entice him: “How then can I do this great wickedness and sin against God?” (Genesis 39:9). Just because immorality and unfaithfulness is rampant does not change a holy God who has clearly said that adultery is sin. The problem begins when we let down our guard and become too friendly with someone else. “Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned?” (Proverbs 6:27, 28). The answer is obvious: we cannot. The same passage tells us that “whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding” (v. 32). The danger of sinning against God is something we should constantly keep in our minds. We must also maintain a daily awareness of God’s presence to keep ourselves wholly loyal to our companions.

II. As Long as You Both Shall Live

“For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband” (Romans 7:2). The Bible teaches that putting away our companion and marrying another is committing adultery. Jesus pointed people back to the beginning when God made them male and female. “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:6). The marriage vow says, “as long as you both shall live.” When people get married, they have in mind to be married for life. They could not imagine that anything could mar the relationship. If we would always keep that directive in focus, it would be a deterrent to other thoughts that might push into our mind. In our early marriage when misunderstandings arose, I would tell my wife, “We are married for life, and we want to enjoy it. We may as well talk it out and work through this.” It never entered my mind to quit, leave, or divorce, because God had joined us together until death—”as long as you both shall live.” We need to get back to these truths if we are to regain our footing in relation to the family and marriage.

“Cast me not off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth” (Psalm 71:9). David is asking God not to forsake him when he becomes old or when his strength fails. So it should be with those of us who are married. Old age should be a time of loyalty and helping each other even more. It is difficult to imagine why someone would put away his companion, when the companion is old or ill, for someone younger. “As long as you both shall live” still stands today.

III. When We Fail or Face Unfaithfulness

“My wounds stink and are corrupt because of my foolishness. I am troubled; I am bowed down greatly; I go mourning all the day long” (Psalm 38:5, 6). This is a response of repentance. David did not find answers in himself. Unfaithfulness in marriage is like a serious wound. “A wound and dishonour shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away” (Proverbs 6:33). What a terrible price to pay for short, sensual pleasures. Our own lives will be hurt as well as that of our companion. The children will face almost irreparable hurt. When a father or mother is unfaithful, it causes grief in the home, with lifelong consequences.

The challenge to us is to be faithful to God and to our marriage partners. However, when there has been unfaithfulness, we need to repent, confess, and get help and counseling from godly Christian sources. There is hope for healing. But being faithful to begin with is by far the best route. May God help those who cry out in repentance when unfaithful. May He help the rest of us to remain faithful to our marriage vows.

-by Allan Miller

Here are the marriage vows for a bride: “Will you in the presence of God and these witnesses, take _____ to be your wedded husband, will you love and cherish him, in health and in sickness, in prosperity and adversity, share with him the joys and sorrows of life, exercise patience, kindness, and forbearance toward him, and live with him in peace as becometh a faithful Christian wife and forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto him as long as you both shall live.”

Share with him the joys and sorrows of life

This phrase in the wedding vows is different from the husband’s vows. One of the basic reasons God created a wife is for companionship. In Genesis 2:15-24, we read that when Adam named the animals, he could not find someone like himself. God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” In this commitment, the wife promises to be a companion in joy or sorrow. Sorrow when shared seems to lessen, but joys when shared seem to multiply. How doleful life would be without a companion to share it. What a blessing to come home after a day’s work and have a wife greet us at the door with a cheery, “Welcome home! How did your day go?” To have someone to share the happenings of the day, whether trials or joys, is an essential part of a Christian home. I recall keeping the children at the office while my wife was gone. When we arrived home before she did, the children ran through the house calling for her. It was not the norm for Mother to be absent from home, and so it should not be.

Women generally share the things on their heart more easily than men do. To share the intimate things on one’s heart is difficult. A man needs the tender caring of a woman to draw him out. The wife who has learned the art of sharing with her husband and helping him to share with her, has indeed fulfilled the Biblical command of being a helpmeet. The many frustrations and trials of life become much more bearable with a companion such as this. “Her price is far above rubies” (Proverbs 31:10)

Live with him in peace

How can we live together in peace? To have peace, we stay calm and quiet at all times. One time we should raise our voice is if the house is on fire, but not in normal living. When we live together in peace, we work out our problems. Surely, we will have misunderstandings and frustrations. We should attack the problem and not the partner. “Follow peace with all men” (Hebrews 12:14) includes our companion.

If we would seek to live together in peace, as much as some couples try not to, we could work things out a lot better. Am I saying some of us try to be unhandy and contrary? No, but it seems that’s the way it so often is. Ask yourself the question, “Am I really seeking to come to a better understanding? Am I seeking to prove myself right, and my spouse wrong? How could we resolve this peaceably?”

I recall a man saying he didn’t believe in war; he just got married instead. One aspect of peace is the absence of war or strife. Comparing war with marriage is not at all funny, but maybe all too true. Seeking to live together in peace is infinitely more desirable and is the will of God. “Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God” (Matthew 5:9). This beatitude is sadly lacking in many homes. God will help us if we humbly ask Him. He wants us to live together in peace, and many of us have made that commitment to each other.

Forsaking all others

I remember my wife asking our pastor if she could be jealous of me. He assured her that she could in the same sense that God is a jealous God. He wants our attention alone. We cannot serve both God and Satan. Paul writes that we are a peculiar [special] people to God (Titus 2:14). Peculiar does not mean “different” as in “odd,” but “exclusively His.” We have the characteristic of belonging only to one. Thus it should be in our marriage relations. We belong only to one.

Nothing causes hurt feelings more quickly than paying attention to someone other than our companion. To flirt with another is not only hurting your companion, but also trifling with another’s feelings, and it is sin. Why would we want to do anything to hurt our spouse? We are no longer looking for someone to please us; we have found that one. Now we should be looking for ways to please the one we have found.

During our courtship days, most of us could not seem to do enough to please our special friend. We could find all kinds of excuses to be together. We would not have thought of dating someone else. We shunned anything that would mar our friendship. After several years of marriage, many forget the art of courtship. While William Jennings Bryan was getting his hair cut, the barber asked him if he couldn’t cut the hair that covered his ears. Mr. Bryan said, “While I was courting Mrs. Bryan, she objected to my ears standing out. So I let my hair grow over them.”

“That was years back,” replied the barber. “Surely you could cut them shorter now.”

“Why?” asked Bryan. “The love affair is still going on.”

We need to ask God for pure minds and eyes so that we can resist the temptation to unfaithfulness. Remember, we have promised or vowed to forsake all others. Keep yourselves only unto him (her) as long as you both shall live. “And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:7). Remember what Joseph said when he was tempted by Potiphar’s wife: “How then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?” (Genesis 39:9). One of the most heartbreaking statistics of our day are the many who break the marriage vows by committing adultery. “A wound and dishonour shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away” (Proverbs 6:33) May we be as Joseph and flee when tempted. God will help us if we seek to forsake all others.

-by Allan Miller

Vows—do they mean anything today? Most of you who are married have made vows something like the following:

Vows for the husband: “Will you, in the presence of God and these witnesses, take to be your wedded wife. Will you love and cherish her, provide and care for her, in health and in sickness, in prosperity and adversity, exercise patience, kindness, and forbearance toward her, and live with her in peace as becometh a faithful Christian husband, and forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her as long as you both shall live?”

Love and Cherish Her

It has been said that marriage does not need love to keep it going; love needs marriage to keep it going. Sadly, many marriages go on without love, sometimes for the sake of children. Children are a good reason for keeping a marriage intact, but we need more.

Love has to do with our emotions and these can be as changeable as the weather. We should seek to grow in our love, rather than just seeking to feel good. We see lustful infatuation so often in our day. When we settle the fact that we are married “until death do us part,” we seek to make this an experience of love. So, if you do not love your spouse, start loving her. The husband of a sweet couple shared that three years after they were married, he was sure he had the wrong wife. But they got back to God. When I learned to know them, they were a godly couple who loved each other dearly.

Provide and Care for Her

Notice that this part of the vows only applies to the husband. We live in a time when two household incomes are the norm. This was not the case in bygone years. Today, many households still make it on the husband’s income. Many Godfearing mothers happily serve at home. Christians want to take seriously 1 Timothy 5:8: “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” Many of us pay twice for the education of our children, because we have our own Christian schools. We take seriously helping with the needs, medical and otherwise, of our fellow believers. Even with those extra expenses, many families still make it on one income.

On July 22, 2004, I had a hip replacement. The recovery and healing of that experience were a reminder of the commitment my wife made. Many sleepless nights and restless days made it very clear that my companion was dedicated to caring for me. In November of that year, we experienced a worse calamity, when we were in an accident and both of us were “laid up” for several months. What a blessing it was to be able to share in the many sleepless nights. To talk together and to comfort each other was again a reminder of the commitment we made to each other forty years earlier.

I have read accounts of married people who left their partners because of sickness or accident. As I wrote this article, the Schiavo case was being played out on the national scene. Her husband wanted to keep the feeding tube removed, while the parents of his wife tried their best to have it reinserted. I learned that the husband had been with another woman. But what about his commitment to his wife? Jesus said, “For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:5, 6).

Exercise Patience, Kindness, and Forbearance Toward Her

An unkind word to our spouse should be like a clap of thunder on a clear day. If the sun were shining in a cloudless sky and we heard a loud clap of thunder, we would all wonder what’s going on. Words, when spoken, cannot be taken back into our mouths. We may, and should, apologize, but the hurt will remain for a long time. The challenge is to set a watch at our lips. Ask God to help you be patient, kind, and loving at all times.

It seems strange how easy it is to overlook our own failures and make excuses for our mistakes. We seem to have a lot of forbearance when it comes to ourselves. The story is told of a wife who left the faucet on in the barn one evening. Her husband quickly told her what a terrible mess he found the next morning. Sometime later, he made the same mistake. “Why,” he said, “it just didn’t look so bad when I did it.”

May God help us to be loving and kind to our companions and hard on ourselves. “Charity [love] suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil” (1 Corinthians 13:4, 5).

-Allan Miller